Chapter 141 There is a gay guy unzipping my pants

Once again, the mist-shrouded hills; once again, this familiar place. Start subconsciously made his way to the cave—a place of mortal peril where nine deaths were narrowly escaped. Shattered armor and broken swords still littered the ground in disarray, and the blood, long blackened and mixed with dirt, was indistinguishable from the earth. Everything felt as though it had happened just yesterday, though in reality, only about a week had passed.

Start did not know how to make contact with the bandits, nor did he know which day the three-day period mentioned by them was supposed to start. Since they didn't know the exact time the staff officer was captured either, but estimated it to be within a day or two, going early was always the better choice.

Start was mentally prepared. After wandering around the vicinity and finding no one, he simply raised his voice and roared, "The negotiator has arrived! The negotiator has arrived!"

A flock of birds was startled into flight by the mist, and then silence returned. Start did not care and began setting up a resting place inside the cave. As the negotiating representative, he had already arrived, and the next step was simply to wait for the other party to show up. There was no need to fear, no need to be anxious; at worst, it was just death.

With a profound sense of resignation, he became remarkably calm and composed. He set up a makeshift bed, sat upon it, and read a book while chewing on dried meat. As dusk approached, Start stepped out of the cave entrance once more and shouted twice, "The negotiator has arrived!" Then he returned to his bed, lit a campfire beside it, and went to sleep fully clothed.

He did not know how long he slept, but when he woke up, he found himself bound to a cross. The cross felt cold and hard to the touch, evidently made of some hard metal. Start struggled twice and gave up. Raising his head to look around, he saw that the cave was quite spacious, with oil lamps hanging from the ceiling and torches illuminating the stone walls.

The man suspected of being the bandit leader sat in a chair, with a crowd of bandits arrayed in two lines below him, all wearing the standard-issue equipment of the Thunder Knights. There was even a red carpet laid out on the ground, making it look surprisingly formal. Far off to the right, rows of prison cages were stacked, each holding a stark-naked man.

Directly in front of the cages stood another cross, to which another naked man was bound. The lighting over there was dim, making it impossible to see who it was. At that moment, all the captives were gripping the bars of their cages with both hands, watching Start with worried expressions. The success or failure of Start's negotiation meant not only his own life, but theirs as well.

Start immediately used the spiritual contract to transmit everything he saw and heard to the parrot. He was not a mage, and this was his first time using spiritual contract communication, so he was extremely clumsy. The parrot was also struggling immensely to repeat his words. Kevin and the others immediately took out pen and paper, recording everything that came through, regardless of whether it was useful or not.

The generals were already somewhat dissatisfied with this operation. According to the original plan, even if one went inside to rest, one shouldn't sleep so soundly. If there was a chance to infiltrate the bandit lair, even if the bandits blindfolded and earplugged him, he could still count his steps to estimate the entrance's location. Yet, as it turned out, he had simply closed his eyes, opened them, and found himself there.

However, things were already set in stone, and complaining was useless. The group sat on the ground surrounding the parrot, while the bird closed its eyes and concentrated with all its might. Since the other party's strength was insufficient, the parrot had to concentrate to maintain the connection.

Over there, seeing that no one spoke, Start broke the silence. "Hey! Old friend, we meet again."

A bandit immediately strode up and slapped him across the face. "Who is your old friend? Is our leader someone you can address so casually? Call him the Respected Bandit Lord!"

Though slapped, Start did not grow angry. He smiled and replied, "Very well, then. Respected Bandit Lord. Can the negotiation begin now?"

The bandit leader smiled. "No need to rush. Let us show you a performance first." With that, he lightly clapped his hands twice. A group of underlings immediately rushed toward the other cross, and together they carried the cross over and placed it before Start. Start was startled; the person on the cross was clearly the staff officer. At that moment, the staff officer was haggard to the extreme. Though he had been wiped quite clean and his muscle lines were still fine, he hung limply from the rack, unconscious. Frankly, stripped of his clothes, he was almost unrecognizable.

"Is this your staff officer?" The bandit leader stood up. "He is a strong man and exceptionally capable, well worth our playing with him over a hundred times."

Start: "..."

"But one thing must be clarified: these hundred-plus times were all done while he was unconscious. Not once did we succeed while he was awake," the bandit leader sighed. "We once tried to achieve the feat of having a mob of homosexuals besiege him for a day, but still failed. Then we took advantage of his unconscious state to dislocate his limbs, yet even after he woke up, we still failed."

Start: "..."

As they spoke, a nearby underling fetched a basin of water and splashed it across the staff officer's face. The staff officer slowly regained consciousness. The moment he opened his eyes and saw Start before him, he froze slightly, then instinctively lowered his gaze and remained silent. Once an officer, he now felt too ashamed to face Start.

"Oh? You two have nothing to say to each other?" the bandit leader asked curiously.

Start spoke up, "Enough. Let's get to the point. Let us negotiate."

"What's the rush?" The bandit leader sneered. "Today, right in front of this fat bastard, we are going to play with you once more. Come on, everyone, pile on!"

The mob of homosexuals immediately swarmed forward once again. The staff officer gritted his teeth and once more unleashed a faint trace of battle aura to resist. Once a formidable expert, he had now been reduced to a toy for amusement—and by bandits he would normally look down upon. This last shred of battle aura was probably the staff officer's final remnant of dignity. Start could not help feeling a sense of shared empathy; for the staff officer, this was a process devoid of hope, where he could see no tomorrow. And how was he any different?

"Alright! We got it!" With an excited shout from one of the bandits, the entire crowd surged forward. Start watched this scene unfold with his own eyes and instinctively transmitted a message to the parrot: "The scene I am witnessing right now is indescribable!"

"What do you mean, indescribable?" General Oude frowned. "Describe it to me!"

The message transmitted back. Start licked his parched lips, forced to close his eyes, and relayed back: "They've blindfolded me, I can't see anymore."

How much time passed, he did not know, but the surroundings finally grew quiet. Start opened his eyes to see the staff officer still slumped limply on the cross, being carried away to the side. Then, the mob of homosexuals began staring at him with malicious intent.

Start tried his utmost to maintain his composure. "Respected Bandit Lord, can the negotiation begin now?"

The bandit leader sneered. "What's the rush? The appetizer hasn't even been served yet. Come on, is anyone interested in this fat bastard?"

Start's heart hammered wildly in his chest, though he kept a smile plastered on his face to project calmness and poise. However, the mob of homosexuals shook their heads. "Not interested. Fat bastards are no fun."

Start felt an immense wave of relief wash over him. He had never imagined that being a fat guy would come with such perks, and he maintained his calm smile.

"But his smile is so disgusting! We could flick his dick." A bandit suggested.

"Makes sense. Maybe after flicking it, we'll get interested." Another bandit chimed in.

Start finally broke character, his expression changing drastically. Remembering the miserable state the staff officer had just been in, he stammered incoherently, "You... you..."

"Get him!" At another gesture from the bandit leader, a crowd of bandits swarmed forward, countless hands grabbing at Start's trousers. Start instinctively shouted at the top of his lungs, "There are gays opening my zipper!!!"

This shout had zero effect on the bandits. Instead, the bandit leader sneered, "Why are you shouting so loud? Trying to unleash an ultimate move? Keep flicking!"

Brilliant in his panic, Start suddenly remembered yesterday's routine. His expression shifted instantly, and he burst into roaring laughter: "Hahahahaha..." Though that trick was meant for a time of crisis, it was about time to give it a try.

This burst of laughter actually startled the bandits into a pause. The bandit leader instinctively asked, "What are you laughing at?"

Start sneered, "I am laughing because Bandit Lord, you are at death's door and don't even know it."

"Ha? You trying to scare me? You think I was scared of the dark?" The bandit leader glared. "Keep flicking!"

Start: "..."

"F***! You were laughing so happily, I thought you were a gay guy too," a nearby bandit complained, "Got our hopes up for nothing."

Start: "..."

"Boss, his underpants are rather dashing. Look?" A bandit suddenly discovered a new issue.

The bandit leader took them and had a look, discovering three scrolls sewn into the underpants, covered in a bunch of magical runes he couldn't make out. The bandit leader immediately demanded, "What is this?"

Heart pounding with tension, Start improvised brilliantly, "Why, this is a welcome gift for the Bandit Lord, of course."

"A gift for me?" The bandit leader turned them over and examined them. "What does it say on here?"

"These are magical runes meant to enhance a man's prowess," Start lied smoothly. "Wear these underpants long-term, and the results are remarkable."

The bandit leader remained half-convinced, though clearly not very interested. He casually stuffed them into his pocket. "Keep flicking."

How long that flicking went on, he had no idea, until the bandits themselves lost interest and finally pulled Start's pants back up—though his underpants remained in the other's pocket. Start steadied his nerves; at least having his dick flicked wasn't too severe a punishment, and since the bandits seemed to have no plans for follow-up actions, it was acceptable.

"Men! Take him down. We can talk now." The bandit leader finally returned to his seat.

Two bandits stepped forward to untie Start's ropes. Having been bound for so long, his hands and feet were temporarily numb and tingling, and he collapsed straight to the ground, unable to stand. This provoked roaring laughter from the mob of bandits: "Hahaha, what kind of greeting is that?"

Start rubbed his arms, ignoring the bandits' mockery. He slowly crawled up, raised his head, and looked up at the bandit leader seated high above. "I have yet to ask for the Bandit Lord's name."

"I am Rex." The bandit leader waved a hand. It was obvious that his right hand was still wrapped in bandages; having had three fingers severed by Kevin back then, it was likely incurable.

"Very well, Lord Rex," Start gave him a slight bow. "This time, I represent the military in these negotiations. You may state your terms first."

This time, the bandit leader sat motionless, merely placing a chamber pot onto the armrest of the chair beside him. An instant later, a voice echoed through the cave: "Our terms are very simple: guarantee our safety, and let us develop in peace."

Start instinctively raised his head to scan his surroundings, but saw no one in sight. Clearly, the mastermind behind the scenes was speaking. The bandits were probably too stupid to handle negotiations, forcing him to speak up. Even so, with no one in sight, it was still impossible to tell whether the speaker was actually in the cave.

"That question is certainly worth discussing." Start bought himself a little time while simultaneously transmitting a message to the parrot. From this point onward, the real crux of the negotiation began. Up until now, Start had merely played the role of a half-baked messenger; all he needed to do was polish the generals' intentions into a language the bandits could understand, while minding his tone so as not to be too aggressive and end up beaten.

The message was transmitted back to the generals. This question had already been raised with him yesterday, deemed the other side's baseline for negotiation. The general hadn't given a definitive answer yesterday, but now that the issue was right in front of him, he had to make the call. Moreover, this question was unavoidable, as it was the core issue for the other side. On site, only General Oude could make the executive decision; Kevin and the others certainly wouldn't speak up at a time like this.

"Accepted, as long as all the hostages are returned safely, we can guarantee that this extermination campaign will be called off." General Oude finally spoke.

When the message reached Start, a wave of relief washed over him, and he immediately relayed the exact words.

"In fact, you've already signed a contract, haven't you?" the voice replied. "I know that in negotiations right now, you can't make the decisions. A contract connection means I am essentially negotiating with the military."

Start fell silent. Nearly all the tricks he had brought with him had been seen through, and the tension in his heart was beyond measure.

"In truth, negotiations like this are very hard to truly honor. You are merely a lowly lieutenant. Do you have the capacity to represent the military?" the voice asked. "What if you agree to our terms, but it's actually just because you're afraid to die and don't truly reflect the military's stance?"

Start hurriedly waved his hands. "Though my rank is low, I am a man of great learning. I was specifically chosen to represent the military this time; my words are absolute and will be honored."

"First of all, you must understand that you are the losing side," the voice sneered. "The losing side comes to negotiate on the winner's turf, yet arrives empty-handed? No welcoming gift?"

Start felt awkward. "My departure was rushed; I didn't bring any."

"To be honest, I seriously doubt the sincerity of the military's negotiation this time. Could you just be a little pawn sent here to scout the path?" the voice questioned. "For instance, once you figure out our lair's location, you'll simply dispatch troops to encircle and annihilate us. Our strength is still immature; we probably couldn't withstand a Sword Saint's strike. These captives are our protective talisman and our last resort for survival."

Start was silent for a moment, then replied, "Our general is actually a hardliner. It took a great deal of persuasion from us this time just to trade for a single chance at negotiation. But if the general loses his patience, he will still step in personally. Though losing the Thunder Knights' First Cohort and the staff officer would be a great pity, it is a price he is willing to pay!"

"If that's the case, what is there to discuss?" The voice sneered. "Men, drag him out and behead him."

"Hahahahaha..." Start burst into roaring laughter.

The voice complained, "You're using that same trick again? Really?"

"Lord Rex," Start turned to the bandit leader. "Whose voice is that? You haven't introduced him yet."

The bandit leader replied, "That is our chamber pot mage, the symbol of our protagonist."

Start burst into laughter again. "Protagonist? Chamber pot mage? Hahahahaha..."

"You want to try laughing again?" The bandit leader grew angry. "Do you believe I'll have your dick flicked another hundred times?"

Start stopped laughing and adopted a serious expression. "Let's not get excited. Negotiations require a calm demeanor, otherwise, how can we talk?"

The voice chimed in, "Why waste breath on him? There's nothing to negotiate with this kind of guy. Just chop his head off."

Start shouted at the top of his lungs, "Wait! You consider yourselves protagonists—when have you ever seen a protagonist blindly obey a chamber pot mage and do whatever he says? If you do that, are you the protagonist, or is the chamber pot mage the protagonist?"

The bandit leader froze, hesitating for a moment.

The voice immediately shouted, "This guy is still trying to sow discord! Why keep a useless fat bastard around?"

"If you kill me, the general outside Cardia will arrive within days!" Start shouted passionately. "What level is a Sword Saint? You saw the staff officer—he was only a 7th-tier warrior, and a Sword Saint is three tiers higher than that. Can you even imagine?"

Without pausing for breath, Start rushed on: "I'll teach you a method: you can just lock me up first! Negotiations always take a long time; you need patience and perseverance."

This time, the voice did not speak up again. After a moment of silence, the bandit leader finally waved a hand. "Lock him up for now."