How can one discern the false from the true?

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Friends, grannies, aliens—I’m not even sure if this counts as an official notice of absence.

Granny, please put down the shoe. Let me explain a few things before you decide to swat me like a cockroach.

I was supposed to leave on a flight yesterday. When I checked the weather in the morning, Shanghai was clear and sunny. I was quite pleased, trotting off to Pudong Airport, thinking I’d find a quiet corner in the terminal to sneak in some writing. Everything was planned perfectly; I was even willing to pay for lounge access just to get some words down.

After all that trouble, I pulled out my phone and—surprise! The flight was canceled.

They said Guangdong was under an orange storm alert, which really shows just how much they wanted me home.

But I couldn’t just turn into a local Shanghainese person; I still had to leave. I immediately requested a rebooking. It took two bloody hours just to get that sorted, filled with endless calls and flight checks. Two hours later, I successfully rebooked a flight for 9:30 PM—but from Hongqiao Airport instead.

Off I went to Hongqiao.

The Didi drivers in Shanghai were practically treating me like a deity.

When I arrived at Hongqiao, I looked at the flight information board and saw an extra line. Above the "Scheduled 21:35" departure, there was now a line that read "Estimated 23:35." What kind of nonsense is that? Are they competing to see who knows the most synonyms for "delayed"? I already had a bad feeling. Since the Guangdong storms show no mercy, what was I to do? I couldn't just sit at the airport waiting to see when it would actually fly, so I decided to book a hotel.

I figured since it wouldn't be an overnight stay, I’d just book the cheapest one. Maybe I’d be gone in a few hours, I naively thought.

So, I dragged my luggage off to find a taxi, which dropped me off in a place that looked less like Shanghai and more like a rural county. It was certainly close to the airport; big jets rumbled right over my scalp, practically blowing my wig off (the hazard of writing so intensely that I’ve gone bald at eighteen). I snapped a few photos of the planes while I was at it—might as well make the trip worth it.

I checked in, entered the room, and immediately walked right back out. Why? To buy disposable toilet seat covers. That toilet seat was stained a deep, aged yellow—it looked like it had been soaking in decades of urine.

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Fine, this was a hotel that cost over three hundred yuan, and yes, I was definitely still in Shanghai.

And then, guess what? The universe heard my "I won't be staying the night" comment. The second flight was delayed again, this time until five in the morning.

Even an owl couldn't pull an all-nighter like this!

I rebooked for the second time, pushing it to eleven o'clock this morning.

I stood in that hotel room, clutching my bag, trapped in despair as I realized I really would be spending the night here. If I’d known, why hadn't I booked somewhere better? Heaven is out to get me. I latched the security chain (something I never do), pulled back the duvet, and inspected the sheets. They were acceptable—at least they looked white.

It was late by now. Exhausted in both body and soul, having not written a single word, I reached down to feel the mattress.

...Where was the mattress?

What were these protrusions poking into my back? Were these springs made of diamond? Don't mattresses usually have padding? Where was the padding?! I could practically take the pulse of the springs through the sheets! Where was the padding?!?!

I felt like crying. You want to know how I slept that night? I rearranged the duvet and used it as a mattress. Lying on top of it felt exactly like lying on the sidewalk.

I pulled out a section of the duvet to wrap around myself, turning myself into a human taco. That way, I had both a mattress and a cover—two uses for one item—and only then could I sleep...

Having written only three hundred words, I was completely drained and closed my eyes shortly after nine. Sleeping that early is a sign of disrespect to one's neighbors.

So, around ten o'clock, I heard it. You might think hotel noises are predictable, but you’d be wrong.

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I heard a pair of high heels clicking back and forth in the hallway. At least twenty laps (there was no carpet), and then a door slammed shut. Then, someone started moving furniture.

Mid-sleep, I found myself wondering: how are you moving furniture? The desks and beds in hotels are bolted down! What on earth was that heavy object being dragged across the floor?!

And why did it take half an hour to move it?! Were they renovating the hotel room?!

What are people even doing here?!

Anyway, the night eventually passed. After posting this status update, I have to pack up my bags once again and rush to the airport. I’m exhausted, weary, and suspicious that I smell (I didn't dare shower there)... I’m scheduled to land around two in the afternoon. If I actually land on time, maybe there will be an update tonight. If it gets delayed again, I’m jumping into the Huangpu River.

You think that after all this trouble, coming to Shanghai will be over once I get back?

No, the business isn't finished. I have to come back again on the 8th after the holiday.

How wonderful. I’m clearly just here to temper my spirit and experience the breadth of human life.